A few weeks ago, I shared my story on in a private group that I am a part of. It’s something that has been “eating”away at me (pun intended) and I wanted to share my story again. I know the last few months, I have been all business, but I want to get really personal with you today.
I want to share ALL of my story. My business struggles and successes- and my personal ones too. Because it’s all related. How we do one thing is how we do everything, right?
I’m not just a coach, an entrepreneur and a business owner. I am a woman, a mom and I am HUMAN. And it’s about time I love on all of it… the good, the bad and the ugly.
Confession #1: Even though it may “seem” like I’m everywhere. I’ve been hiding and playing small. Not satisfied with the way that I look. Not happy with the exterior. My business is booming, I’m financially thriving, but I’ve let myself and my health take a back seat to everything else.
In the summer of 2013, after my marriage unraveled, I was actually feeling on top of the world. I felt like I had finally released a huge weight that was on my shoulders for the last 6 years. I was FREE. I was finally ready to live my life for ME. I was looking amazing after losing a bunch of weight and I was down right sexy (not gonna lie.)
I always thought that if I just “looked” perfect, that I could get anything I wanted in life. I mean, why not? I have seen woman after woman on tv and even some in real life that were able to use their looks and sexuality to get whatever they wanted. And even though I was looking great and feeling free, it still wasn’t enough. I wanted perfection.
CONFESSION #2: I went extreme and got laser lipo to reduce the pouch in my belly that I just couldn’t shake off.
Shortly after, I started dating again, but got into another toxic relationship. Truth is, I probably should have been alone for some time. I had a lot of my own shit to deal with and I never did. I pushed it down, I covered it up and thought I would just overcome it and thrive.
Over the next six months, my life imploded. Everything around me came crumbling down. I had lost my soul mate, I was in another bad relationship, I was struggling financially and in my business- and I felt like the worst mother. I became violent and mean. To say I was stressed and depressed isn’t enough to describe the inner pain I was dealing with.
With all of this mess going on in my life, I packed on weight in almost an instant. In six months, I had gained over 40 pounds! I began to despise myself, not only was my life a mess, but now so was my body. I had a lot of guilt and regret that I was holding onto.
The only logical thing for me to do was to try to make at least one thing in my life right. That’s when I threw myself into my business. Doing anything and everything I could. Working day and night, sitting on my couch- working on the computer for hours and hours at a time.
I remember coming home from work and stopping at the store to get a Pepsi and Milk Duds for the night. Every night. I figured that if I couldn’t get a man to love me properly, sugar could comfort me. I can’t lie. It made me feel good. Especially after a fight with my man, the pressure and stress was instantly released the moment I put the first ball of caramel goodness in my mouth.
Over the next few months, I continued to work my ass off. And struggle. Oh how I struggled in not only my business and relationships, but also in loving myself. I put myself dead last. Still seeking something to hide behind. My dreams of being a sexy model type had been smashed, so I figured why not be the successful entrepreneur type. I kept looking outside of myself. I was ready to be anyone other than ME.
About a year after I had initially started gaining the weight, I made some major life changes. Totally changing my relationship dynamics, moving back in with my parents and getting really serious in my business.
My life became drastically better and less stressed but the weight was still hanging with me. I started to actually gain traction in my business and continued to put myself and my health last.
For me, it paid off. My business is booming, I’m busy with clients and I’m making plenty of money. I have no worries about my relationships, debt or my life. But I still look the same. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate myself. I’m just not satisfied with the way I look. I really want my outside to match my inside. And I’m ready to make a major shift and working towards total alignment in all areas of my life.
The weight gain was a result of things in my personal life, combined with the sedentary lifestyle of being an online entrepreneur and the financial stresses of building my own business. I put so much into my business, my work and my clients. And I am finally ready to give myself just as much as I have given to others.
If you’re ready to take charge with me and stop hiding because of imperfections, if you’re ready to make this journey of putting myself first with me, comment below and let me know. I didn’t build my business alone. And this is something I don’t intend to do alone either. I know I’m not the only one who’s struggling with this, so let’s do it together.
If my story resonates and you feel like it needs to be heard. Click here and share my story.
Look at me now!
LOVE this Jenn!! Thank you for your honesty!
I love you JENN!!!!!!! Thank you for sharing your beauty inside and out. I am on a journey to bring my health at the forefront of my mind too! Love to you!
Girl! I have experienced a very similar process. My business is not yet thriving but I have decided to stop hiding and to make my health a priority again. Thank you for being so honest and sharing so vulnerably. deeply appreciated.
Jenn, thank you so much for your honesty. I could totally relate to this! I even avoided getting headshots due to my recent weight gain. I’m in the process of getting things back in check too. I’m with you girlfriend! *fist bump*
I can so relate, thanks for the honestly.
I’m with you! The SAME thing happened to me when I was building my first business. It was a long road back and I vowed to never let that happen again and help as many women avoid the health or wealth trap again because we can have it all. Is it me or does it seem like men building businesses don’t seem to have that problem? Anyway, PLEASE let me know how I can support you or anyone who joins you on the journey.
Way to put yourself out there Jenn. I commend you. I know from experience it isn’t easy. We are great at listening and helping others, but it can be hard to put our story out there for others to hear us. Thank you for your honesty and allowing your true self to shine. You are an inspiration. 🙂
You have such courage and strength to be so honest. No doubt, this will help other women love themselves to better health instead of punishing themselves to it. I truly believe in this approach, which unfortunately is not the common thinking out there. Much love and light, Jenn!
Beautiful post, Jenn, and thanks for your authenticity. Many of us are so busy trying to build the perfect business, that we let go of self-care, or find the wrong ways to take care of ourselves, me included.
Your post has really moved me. Guess what? I’m a health coach who teaches self-care and I have put on weight over the past 6 months because of working a full-time day job, commuting 3 hours a day and getting home around 7 p.m. to then start working on my online business. Every weekend and most evenings I’m working on my business. My dream is to work in my business full-time and let the day job go but being a single mom brings on the added stress of paying all the bills myself. I’m currently getting ready to offer a 14 day detox to my community and I am starting the detox this weekend myself. If we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t be their for ourselves, our family or our business. I look forward to seeing all the changes you make and you inspire me to get my self-care back on track.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was at my goal weight in 2008. Then my husband got cancer and we went through financial challenges. He’s fine now and I’ve just started my third round of business. This time doing something my soul loves. But from all that stress and spending too much time in front of the computer building my new business I’m scaring myself by gaining weight still and not taking enough care of myself. So I am ready to do something about it. I’m with you!
Yes! Stress and placing your priorities on building your business = chubbier than you would like…totally resonates with me. I’m 40lbs heavier than I’d like to be…but aside from a few turbo motivated weeks, I haven’t done much to change that fact. I know whatever you have cooking up will be an inspiration to me, and many others!!
I love you for sharing!!! I had a similar experience and then shifted a year ago and went from wanting to lose weight to actually releasing it. Hint: It’s a deep-rooted belief system you have set up that is NOW ready to be released. I’m here if you want to talk. xo, j
Thank you for sharing. I’d like to learn more about this wonderful journey you are embarking on. Peace & Light, Pamela
your transparency is so refreshing and I am so proud that you took this step to reveal this layer of yourself! It is difficult to open up our dark closets, but once we do, and the light floods in, there is then no more darkness. I love this journey that you are on, and will join you with my last “40” too! 🙂
Ive put on 5kgs just since January…
Yes…this resonates loud and clear. It’s time to declare that we cannot put ourselves last – we need to be the best for us and those that depend on us.
Keep up the hard work – you are amazing!
Loved every word. You are so not alone. I can’t call this “baby weight” when my baby is now 3 but I’ve been carrying an extra 30 pounds with me since he was born. I am ready to journey into putting myself first.
I’ll just say totally understand, unfortunately totally done!
Right there with you girl… <3 Thank you for putting this out there.
Thanks for sharing your personal story about your health and weight loss struggles.
It’s very easy for us to put our health last because the results are not instant and it does take a level of focus to make lifestyle change that lasts.
Know that you are exactly where you should be right now at this moment and that there’s no shame in it. You WILL get where you want to be when the time is right for you – when you can align your priorities with your weight loss goals…when you DECIDE.
You’ve had crazy success with your business, and if you can transfer some of that energy to your health…you’re golden!
I love what you do and all the value I’ve received from your programs and content, and I’m excited to be your cheerleader in this next chapter.